I was inspired to write this blog today due to my own personal “ah-ha” moments I’ve been having lately concerning my ectopic pregnancy that happened this past Mother’s Day. Like most things in life, we will not have clarity on situations until we look back, or in other words, we don’t know why things happened to us (especially the unpleasant things) until we glance back retrospectively.
To clarify, my husband and I were open to having more kids when we became pregnant with baby number 2. We love being parents, and thought “If it happens, it happens”–becoming pregnant again anyway. Well, it happened. One sunny Sunday morning, I woke up to a positive dollar store pregnancy test. I took one only to “rule out the possibility of being pregnant” not because I actually thought I was, but rather due to my concern for my late period.
Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised and excited to learn we were expecting. I have always wanted to have 2-3 kids, and hey–why not have them closer in age? (Definitely harder for the parents, but I think beautiful to observe at the same time).
Long story short, I suffered an ectopic pregnancy, fainting at a local video store. (Full story on my miscarriage here.) I knew, just instinctively knew while writhing on the floor in pain that all this must be happening for a reason.
Just as when my son, Eliel, was born, I felt the presence of God in the room while suffering from my miscarriage. His presence assured me that I was not suffering in vain, that He had a higher plan.
Knowing this, I still was a bit depressed after having miscarried. It wasn’t an average miscarriage–mine resulted in horrific abdominal pain that resulted in my needing to have surgery to remove one of my fallopian tubes. I was on bed rest for 1.5 weeks. I couldn’t exercise. I couldn’t even lift my son. I was sad. I was angry that this had interrupted my life and that God wasn’t giving me the answers then and there as to why it all was happening. I prayed and prayed and prayed: Why? What do you want me to learn from this? Silence.
In retrospect, I realize that while God’s presence was silent, He was also very comforting. I didn’t feel alone, although I was. My husband still had to work 14 hour days, and my son was in the care of his grandparents.
Fast-forward all this to today. My body has healed from my surgery, but more importantly, my spirit and soul have as well. I have a new sense of love and appreciation for my son, my husband, and my life. I believe that I lost our second baby because God wanted to ensure Elvis and I were strong. While I marriage was okay, I realize we didn’t connect enough or talk about the important things nearly enough. But most importantly, we needed to have God 1st in our lives. Period. Now, He is.
Not many people are aware of this, but Elvis and I “took a break” from each other emotionally to figure out what we really needed and wanted for a couple months. During this break, we spent a lot of time apart. We were still business partners, but thoroughly focused on our own selves and our son rather than each other. And I gotta tell ya, we both were much less happy in this scenario. We realized during this break that we are a true power couple: we are much stronger together than separate. Also, Eliel, our son, is much happier when Mom and Dad are in love.
So, all in all, I now see that my daughter (I sense she was a girl), knew that then was not the best time to come meet Mom and Dad in person. God, knowing how much of a dramatic person I am, decided to offer me a wake up call to my marriage and divine purpose by allowing me to suffer a miscarriage on Mother’s Day–ironic, I know. But I now have peace with what happened because I sense God is smiling at the recent choices my husband and I have been making. We are living our divine purpose, together. We are stronger than ever. And our son is going to reap all the benefits of seeing a healthy, happy marriage.
I will close this blog with this question: Is there something that happened to you in your past that you considered “bad” that you now see was a blessing in disguise? Let me know in the comments below.
And to my daughter, I know you are still coming, but when the time is right.
Blessings and Peace to you all,
Thank you for reading,